Just once I’d like to have a perfect day playing music. Today started out pretty well. I managed to get 5 hours sleep after finishing work at 6am, and made it to sound check on time despite leaving the house behind schedule. After a great sound check, I took a stroll around Machida. It’s a really a nice town, and the weather was perfect. There was a cool vintage guitar shop just around the corner from the livehouse. I went in and asked if they had a truss rod key for my guitar. The guy behind the workbench just gave it to me, saying if it fits then keep it. Another excellent shop had the power cable I needed to connect my power supply to my compressor. On my way back, I stopped for ramen which was excellent.
At the gig, I was really enjoying hearing the other acts at the livehouse before it was our turn to go on, but that’s when the trouble started. I noticed that I suddenly wasn’t enjoying the music, and grew increasingly nervous about my own so I heading to the dressing room to practice. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t happening. I was distracted by all the people rushing in and out. Then when it was time to play, I forgot my sheet music. Fortunately, I was able to recall most of the changes from memory. My playing and singing were basically good, and my tone and solos were better than usually. That made the problems that much more frustrating because this time it was so close to being perfect. I almost kicked ass, but it felt more like my shoe brushing against the pants and sliding up into the air as I fell on mine.
The most disturbing point of the evening was watching some talented kids play some incredible music, and suddenly feeling immature for being there instead of with my family or at work, then feeling pathetic for not really having my shit together here or either of those places. Because I knew I hadn’t practiced as much as these kids, or felt as much passion for my music now that I’m older. I also thought I knew how much money was in my wallet. When I looked inside, I immediately assumed theft because I left it in my jacket on a hanger in the dressing room. I spent the ride home angry about it until I realized I had actually withdrawn half as much as I thought on my last stop at an ATM.
Upon realizing that my money had not been stolen or short changed by the second music store’s cashier, I felt relived but concerned by my mind’s inability to recall recent events to help process more current ones. At least my mind is starting to developing the ability to monitor my emotional state and correlate it with external influences, namely not eating anything in a 12 hours period besides a 3 pieces of day old sushi, half a piece of grilled salmon, two mouthfuls of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, a can of Redbull, a bottle of water and a bowl of Oyaji Ramen. And at least those monitored emotional states are of a mature adult.