I have this friend who I refer to as Toxic, partly because of his old habit of smoking expensive organisms which are remarkable for achieving photosynthesis in all sorts of conditions (e.g., a college dormitory closet.) Mainly though, the moniker comes from the toxic anger levels I achieve after certain types of interaction with him. The most recent example of this type started with a conversation in his new Audi on the way to Tokyo. He surprised me by telling me that he joined a social-network.

Years ago, I invited him to to join a Japanese social network called mixi, but he declined. We both agreed that such networks basically encourage superficial relationships, and are not necessary between real friends (as opposed to virtual friends.) So I was even more surprised when a few days later, he added me as a friend.

A day later, I get a call in the middle of writing a new tune on my GB-10, and it’s him telling me to post a message on his wall. I told him I would, and he told me to do it now, and I told him to fuck off because I was playing. It’s not uncommon for old and new friends to bug me with Pheisu-buk requests (usually applications), and I almost always ignore them. This was no exception, only that the request came first by phone and then less than 24-hours later by SMS.

My reply saying that I didn’t know how to use the Wall was a lie, but I did seriously consider doing it… until I had a closer look at his profile and saw that he included as one of his interests as “enconomy” (s.b. economics, but what he really means is business ventures and online-trading.) For education, he listed what he arrogantly refers to as “one of the top 50 schools in America.” He did actually attend that school, but never graduated. So I sent him a message explaining that if you dropped out, you DON’T have a univeristy education, and suggested he fix this fantastic phoniness. His response was to delete me from his list of friends.

If that seems extreme, that it’s more likely that he was a afraid I would post a picture of him staring down at an erection (or what looks like one) in a pair of swimming trunks. I had asked a mutual friend if he still had the photo, but he didn’t and I probably don’t either. Would I post it if I did? ABSOLUTELY! Phony people are just setting themeselves to be publicly humiliated, and the sooner it happens the better.




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